Here is the deal, moms: The older you get, the more responsibilities you shoulder, and the more self-care you need.
Life requires more of you today than it did five years ago, and if all you ever do is give, you’ll get depleted. Your wheels will fall off. You’ll feel tired, numb and vulnerable.
For this reason, you must learn to mother yourself. Make sure that you don’t fall through the cracks or get in the habit of self-neglect.
How? By tending to and protecting your health. Doing things that build strength and stamina. Cultivating a life you enjoy. Making sure you feel equipped to handle the challenges that life brings.
Self-care isn't selfish; it's necessary. Nobody benefits when you run on fumes, so here are some ways to “mother” yourself as you raise a family.
1. Follow this rule: If you'd do it for your children, do it for yourself. This includes keeping doctor appointments, getting a suspicious mole checked out, giving yourself room to fail and try again, correcting negative self-talk, working toward a positive self-image, going to bed early after a long day and setting boundaries with toxic people.
2. Take deep breaths when you feel overwhelmed or anxious. Follow the 4-7-8 rule: Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds and then exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. This is very effective in calming your body down.
3. Talk to a friend at least once a week. Make plans to go walking, have coffee or spend time together. Nobody “gets” your life quite like a good friend, and we all need age and stage friends who listen, encourage, help us process life and — most importantly — make us laugh.
4. Maintain a healthy diet. Get enough protein, healthy fats and healthy carbs (like veggies and fruits) in your diet, and avoid too many sugary foods. The older we get, the more impacted we are by poor nutrition.
5. Drink water and stretch. These basic habits often fall through the cracks.
6. Exercise. The health benefits are obvious, but did you know that anxiety releases adrenaline, and as adrenaline builds up in your body, you need exercise to release it? Exercise also clears your head and triggers endorphins, the feel-good chemicals produced by the body. One of the best ways to manage stress is through physical movement.
7. Stop beating yourself up. As Lysa TerKeurst said, “Bad moments don’t make bad mamas.” God’s grace is bigger than any mistake, and through Him you can parent with strength, not defeat.
8. Prioritize your sleep. Even if it means accomplishing less in a day or saying “no” more often, feeling well-rested helps keep you in fighting condition.
9. Don't struggle alone. Share your problems with people you trust, so the enemy can’t isolate you and make you feel alone, ashamed and tempted to withdraw. Don’t fall for his tricks; instead of turning inward, turn outward. Bring your struggles to light, and admit them to people who can speak truth and pray for you. No matter how strong you feel, you need people to help you through your darkest hours.
10. Have a passion apart from your family. Find activities that make you lose track of time and lift your spirits. Whether it’s art, design, reading, time in nature, yoga, tennis, writing, Bible studies, cooking, scuba diving or another activity, it’s important to have your own “thing,” a healthy escape that fills your tank and reminds you of who you used to be.
11. Treat bad days as good data. When you have bad days, bad feelings or bad experiences, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this? What might God be trying to teach me?” What bad days often teach us is humility, compassion and deeper dependence on God.
12. Practice gratitude. Every morning when you wake up, thank God for a new day and basic gifts like eyes that see, legs that walk, lungs that breathe and a heart that beats.
13. Let yourself cry. It’s been said, “If you’re crying, you’re healing,” and it’s true. Sometimes 5 minutes alone in the bathroom and a quick cry can help you regroup and face the world again.
14. Have a support system. Everyone’s team looks different, and your team may include your spouse, therapist, preacher, best friend from high school, sister, mother, co-worker or running group. On a good day, your support system is a bonus. On a bad day, it’s a lifeline.
15. Let God love you — and remember how deeply He loves you even on your worst days. He sees how hard you’re trying, and if you could see the way He delights in you, with the proud smile of a perfect Father, you’d never doubt your worth again.
Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis is a Mountain Brook mom of four girls, author, speaker, and blogger. Her bestselling books are available everywhere books are sold. Join Kari on Facebook and Instagram, visit her blog at karikampakis.com, or find her on the Girl Mom Podcast.
