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Photos courtesy of Marissa Grayson.
Marissa Grayson, right, poses with her father, Mark, who died by suicide in 2005 at the age of 58.
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Photos courtesy of Marissa Grayson.
Marissa Grayson attended the 2024 AFSP forum in Washington, D.C., as part of her suicide prevention advocacy efforts.
Mark Silber made a decision on Aug. 7, 2005, that would forever change the trajectory of his daughter’s life.
As a result, Marissa Grayson, a Mountain Brook resident and University of Alabama professor who previously taught at Samford University for 13 years, has made suicide prevention efforts her life’s mission.
With September being National Suicide Prevention Month, Marissa sat down with Village Living 19 years after her father’s death to tell Mark’s story and discuss how it has impacted her.
“My story of grief is also the story of advocacy,” Marissa said. “Pretty quickly after my dad died by suicide, I made it my mission for my life to be involved in suicide prevention, so others hopefully wouldn’t go though the same pain that I did, or at least not do it alone.”
Marissa describes her father as a goofy and fun guy, a supportive dad who showed up for his kids and a man with passions, but there were times she saw signs of his struggles.
“He and I had conversations where I knew he was sad. … He was making sure I knew about certain money. It’s almost like he was trying to convince me that life would be easier if he wasn’t around,” Marissa said. “And we know that with people who are suicidal, they often feel like a burden, and my dad did.”
She knew he felt like a failure, even though his family felt otherwise, and the loss of her grandmother roughly a year prior, on top of financial and family stressors and what Marissa believes was an untreated mental illness, became too much for him to cope with.
A few days before Mark’s death, he was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. He stayed for the required period and was released, having convinced doctors he was going to seek help.
Looking back, Marissa has asked herself, “Did I do enough?” But she also recognizes that her father refused to seek help.
“He was probably at a point where reasoning with him to get help wasn’t possible anymore,” she said. “He felt such desperation and that feeling of being a burden, and he felt hopeless. He had gotten to such a point that he convinced himself therapy or medicine wasn’t going to make a difference.”
Research shows that those who seek treatment and learn coping mechanisms are less likely to think about or die by suicide. Marissa realized the importance of therapy, seeking help after her father’s death to cope with the loss.
“I do believe my dad wanted to be there to see me finish my Ph.D. and to be a grandpa and to watch me get married and watch my brother get married,” she said. “His joy came from us. I don’t think he wanted to miss all that, he just didn’t know what to do.”
Marissa was a second-year doctoral student when her father died, and despite the hardship his death brought, she returned to school and finished her degree. She moved to the Birmingham area in 2008 and was introduced to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), beginning her long journey of advocacy.
She served as the former chair of the Alabama chapter of AFSP and now serves on their National Public Policy Council. Marissa also makes an effort to provide help to her students, sharing resources and providing a safe space for them to talk and ask for help.
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Photos courtesy of Marissa Grayson.
Marissa Grayson, right, poses with her father, Mark, who died by suicide in 2005 at the age of 58.
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Photos courtesy of Marissa Grayson.
Marissa Grayson attended the 2024 AFSP forum in Washington, D.C., as part of her suicide prevention advocacy efforts.
What you need to know about suicide
One person dies by suicide every 11 minutes in the United States, according to post-COVID-19 data from the Center for Disease Control (CDC).
The CDC’s most recent Fatal Injury Report found that over 49,000 people died by suicide in 2022, and the World Health Organization reported that the pandemic triggered a 25% increase in the prevalence of anxiety and depression worldwide.
With these issues becoming more prevalent, the conversation around them has also increased, chipping away at the stigmas surrounding mental illness and suicide.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness and the CDC both report that one in five U.S. adults experience a mental illness each year, and one in six U.S. youth ages six to 17 experience a mental health disorder each year.
Suicide is the third leading cause of death for people aged 10-24 in the state of Alabama. Based on the most current verified CDC data from 2021, it is the 13th leading cause of death overall. Of recorded deaths, 75% of suicides were by firearms, and 47% of firearm deaths were suicides.
In 2023, 75% of Alabama communities did not have enough mental health providers to serve residents, according to federal guidelines.
Alice Churnock, the founder of BrainCore Birmingham and a licensed professional counselor who is certified in Neurofeedback, notes that mental health issues, and specifically suicide, have such a large impact on youth populations due to brain development.
Churnock said that the human brain is formed from the back to the front, and the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for logic, decision-making and impulse control, among other things) does not fully develop until around age 25. Prior to that development, the amygdala limbic system, or the emotional center of the brain, is responsible for all decision making.
“When you’re an adolescent, we know that you have about a 15-second timeline in making a decision,” she said. “All the decision, all the future planning is done within that 15 seconds, so naturally, you can see how that impulsivity a lot of times is what happens with an adolescent.”
While research shows that brain development is important in understanding youth suicides, Churnock emphasizes that all people are unique and develop differently. Some younger individuals may be more logical or possess a calmer, less emotional response to stressors, and being 25 or older does not guarantee an absence of impulsive choices.
In fact, recognizing individuality is essential in addressing mental health issues and preventing suicide. While we’re often told to look for common warning signs like increased isolation, mood swings, substance abuse, giving away belongings and changes in sleeping habits, both Churnock and Meesha Emmett, AFSP’s Alabama area director, stress that people can be struggling without exhibiting any of these signs.
“What we the public see as a potential cause that might lead someone to death by suicide is oftentimes not; it’s never the full picture,” Emmett said. “Research has shown that it’s a combination of environmental factors, biological factors and historical factors all converging at the same time to create that moment of despair.”
Churnock also emphasizes that there are wonderful parents and individuals who have lost children or loved ones to suicide, and the worst thing we can do is blame those who are already dealing with the guilt.
“All we’ve grown up hearing is the phrase ‘committed suicide.’ The word ‘committed’ in and of itself, we usually use that word to describe things that are negative, like you commit crimes,” Emmett said. “It perpetuates a stigma and implies judgment, and that’s really dangerous, particularly with loss survivors. … We just don’t need to assign that kind of judgment to something as complex as suicide because we never know the full picture.”
On top of being aware of the way we speak about these topics, Emmett said the most important thing you can do is be kind and show up for people in your life, let them know you care and are ready to listen.
If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health or contemplating suicide, call the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or visit 988lifeline.org for help.
This story is part of our September series for suicide prevention month. Read our stories on suicide rates among senior citizens and how local schools are addressing mental health issues for more information.
